Meet Your Heroes

Despite how terminally online and active I am in digital spaces, people are always surprised to learn how introverted I actually am in real life. I'll never shy away from putting myself out there, especially professionally. Whether it's guesting on a podcast or meeting up with creators, there's always a gnawing social anxiety to get over first. It's definitely lessened the more I do these kinds of things, but it'll never go away fully. It's just who I am. A socially awkward Social Media and Community Manager. How novel!

Despite how much I enjoy industry events and conventions, I've always shied away from meet-and-greets. It wouldn't matter if the biggest role model in my own little world was completely accessible to me. Ewan McGregor could be sat with a line of two people, and I'd be in that queue thinking "what could you possibly have to say that would interest him?" I've been at MCM London and walked by Miles Luna and Rory Powers in quiet areas where I could have easily gone up to them and told them how influential their work has been or how much I enjoy the stuff they do...but I didn't. That little voice telling me "don't bother them. They probably get it all the time." I didn't even consider how this dynamic might rear its head again while working in games.

While I was at nDreams, I started to hear a rumour that we had quite big voice actors being considered for Synapse (an upcoming project known internally only as its codename, Project Blue, at the time). It was the first instance of "famous people" coming into my professional sphere of influence. Imagine my surprise when I was told "I think we've managed to secure David Hayter and Jennifer Hale." Solid Snake and Commander Shepherd are going to be in the game I'm working on? How is that happening? I knew nDreams had had a working relationship with David Hayter prior to me getting there, as he was the antagonist of Phantom: Covert Ops (lovingly referred to as Metal Gear Kayak by many). I hadn't expected another crossover of the two to happen during my tenure.

As is the case with most of these things, voice actors are typically handled by some kind of voice discipline specialist or agency, such as Side UK, with lines recorded at a location that isn't the studio you work in. The likelihood I'd ever cross paths physically with Hayter or Hale was pretty low. However, during the course of the campaign for Synapse, there were a couple of opportunities to sit on a call with them, and I totally bottled the first.

Hayter and Hale were due to be on a call with a few people from our marketing team to discuss opportunities they could be involved in (as they did a fair bit of press around Synapse). My manager at the time, Tom Davidson, knowing how much I loved these two specific voice actors, asked if I'd like to sit in on the call. I initially said yes, but the closer it got, the more anxiety-filled I became. 99% of the time, I can push through the crushing weight of that...but not this time. I'm still annoyed with myself for letting it win. I knew I was optional for the call, so I made my apologies and was excused from the obligation. The regret was immediate, especially when the date and time of the call rolled around. Thankfully, it wasn't my only chance.

Tom must have known I was kicking myself because when the next opportunity arose, he didn't let me sideline myself. He actively encouraged me to get involved. So, long story short, I got to sit in on Hayter and Hale's interview with the Official PlayStation Podcast. I was essentially just a PR fly on the wall. I wasn't an active participant or guest or anything, but I did briefly get to thank them for their time. Despite my inactive role, it's still one of my biggest career highlights. Not just because I managed to overcome the initial bought of crippling anxiety, but because I got to see two people I really respect up close and personal thanks to my career (something I'd worked really hard to make happen).

People might not know, but Jennifer and David are actually friends outside of their day jobs. As much as "don't meet your heroes" is guidance I've generally followed quite closely, I'm really glad I did in this scenario. They were incredibly knowledgeable about their craft, and hearing them talk about their time in both the games industry and entertainment more broadly was incredibly inspiring, especially hearing how Jennifer was working to elevate the skills and rights of actors in the industry. Their genuine back-and-forth was also lovely. Watching David be quite dismissive and humble about his talents, only to have Jennifer actively gas him up was delightful.

So, this is a slight cautionary tale. Be uncomfortable. Push yourself. Meet your heroes. It'll probably go better than you think.